Spiritual Thriving

December, 2005

by Linda Wagener

Perhaps you have read collections of children's letters to God. One of my favorites goes like this:

Dear God: Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had separate rooms. It works with my brother. Larry

As a developmental psychologist, I am not only entertained but also intrigued by what these letters reveal about children's spiritual development. They demonstrate that children think about the ultimate and often unanswerable questions in life - questions about creation, meaning and purpose, good and evil, suffering and death. Take for example these thoughtful letters from Daniel and Janet:

Dear God, I love you because you give us what we need to live, but I wish you would tell me why you made it so we had to die. Daniel

Dear God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had 3 stitches and a shot. Janet

Although there are many definitions of spirituality, one common approach is to consider that spirituality is the universal human potential for connectedness and transcendence. Spiritual development is the process of growing toward an understanding that the self is embedded in something much greater, including the sacred. It begins early in life as children discover their place in their families and continues to expand to include friends, neighborhoods, communities and ultimately all of creation. Spirituality propels the search for connectedness, meaning and purpose, and contribution, and is an essential aspect of what it means for a child to "thrive."

Healthy spiritual development, like other aspects of human functioning, is dependent upon the existence of developmental "nutrients" such as loving relationships and opportunities for meaningful contribution. Spiritual development can be compared to the process of language development. All humans are born with the capacity to discern the patterns in the language that they hear daily. Similarly, children are sensitive to perceiving the sacred in the patterns of connectedness in the world. The particular form of the spirituality that they acquire depends upon the influences that surround them. Children who are immersed in a network that emphasizes love, gratitude, and forgiveness are likely to develop a spirituality that has these as foundational characteristics. Children who are immersed in a context that is marked by conflict, revenge, and judgment are likely to develop a very different form of spirituality.

There are a variety of resources that contribute to the spiritual development of young people. Traditionally, religious experiences and communities have been those that most directly focus on children's spirituality. Children also draw on a wealth of other spiritual experiences such as wilderness experiences or artistic expression. For some children their spirituality rests most directly in their ethnic, cultural or political/ideological understandings of the world. The building blocks of spirituality include unique personal experiences, such as a feeling of tranquility during prayer or meditation or an experience of awe in gazing at a sunset.

Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! Eugene

Family mores and practices are also powerful influences on the shape of young person's spirituality. Family prayers, shared reading of sacred texts, family traditions, and family philanthropic practices are just a few examples.

Dear God, Is it true my father won't get into heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? Anita

Shared vision in relationships resting on a set of common values is another primary foundation for spiritual development. A commitment to recycling, feeding the poor, volunteering with others or protesting perceived injustice are examples of young people enacting their spiritual development. Prevailing cultural values, symbols, and metaphors also influence the spirituality of young people. Dominant cultural values such as materialism, hedonism, or achievement orientation are likely to result in a self-centered form of spirituality. Contrasting cultures characterized by an emphasis on service, gratitude, or social justice are likely to be expressed in forms of spirituality that focus on others. Cultures that are marked by war, oppression, racism or economic injustice may result in spiritualities founded on survival or revenge.

Although spirituality is a core aspect of what it means to be human, many cultures and contexts have paid little attention to the process of its development in young people. In part this may be due to the fact that spirituality, like religion, is considered to be part of the private sphere of life and so is not considered to be an appropriate domain for public conversation and attention. It also may be true that we have failed to understand that even very young children wonder about the deepest and most difficult questions of human existence.

There are several models of spiritual development that come from a variety of traditions. The most familiar to us is that of religious education. In this model, children are taught the beliefs and values of their tradition and often at some point participate in a religious ceremony that heralds their entry into membership. Examples include the process of confirmation in Christian traditions or the Bar Mitzvah in Judaism. A second tradition is that of spiritual formation. In this approach, an initiate works with a guru or mentor who imparts the wisdom of the tradition in various ways that include teaching, but also suggestions of certain practices. A third approach to spiritual development is that of individual reflection, practice, and discipline. A seeker might deliberately seek solitude in order to clear their senses and open themselves to spiritual experiences. Eastern traditions often emphasize the importance of developing habits of meditation as an example.

Regardless of the form it may take, young people need contexts in which they can grapple with the spiritual issues of understanding what constitutes a good life, the meaning of evil and suffering, and their own place in the scheme of creation. An environment that fosters prosocial values, meaning, identity and a sense of belonging and commitment will enhance spiritual thriving. Spirituality may in turn motivate young people to contribute to their families, neighborhoods, schools, and communities. The preponderance of available research suggests that spirituality has a powerful effect in life. It is inversely related to many negative outcomes, such as engaging in risk behaviors and positively associated with a number of positive behaviors, such as generosity, empathy, and volunteerism.

Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only four people in my family and I can never do it. Nan

Many people worry these days that young people are growing away from the religious traditions that sustained their parents and grandparents and are seeking new ways of understanding. Others contend that religion and. by implication, spirituality are at the very core of the most violent and irresolvable conflicts across the globe. For these and other reasons, this appears to be a moment in the public imagination when issues of spirituality are gaining attention. In spite of the current social changes that threaten to undermine the healthy development of young people, I believe that attention to spiritual development may lead to creative new solutions and resources.

For more reading I suggest:

The Spiritual Life of Children. Robert Coles. Houghton Mifflin Company. Boston, MA 1990

Hurt: Inside the world of today's teenagers. Chap Clark. Baker Academic. Grand Rapids, MI. 2004.

Stages of Faith: The psychology of human development and the quest for meaning. James Fowler. Harper Collins. San Francisco, CA. 1995.